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By the time I got to a phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kohoutek. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows. Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all…nothing at all…nothing at all! Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas: the birth of Santa. I’d be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product with the Simpson name on it. I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. Well that would require some sort of a Rebigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle… Oh, I’ve been calling her ‘Crandall.’ Why didn’t anyone tell me? I used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was, and now what I’m with isn’t it.
This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Priceless like a mother’s love, or the good kind of priceless? Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word “tromboner”? Are these the things we think of when we think of the Irish? Well, if by “wank” you mean educational fun, then stand back, it’s wanking time! Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. I’ll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards.